My friend asked me for advice on her cat’s behaviour. I already knew that her cat had been a feral kitten and had taken a long time to accept any humans into her life. Many people do not understand the difference between stray and feral.

Stray cats have been socialised to humans at the critical stage of their lives. This is between the age of two and seven weeks. They also may have once been a family pet but through unforeseen circumstances have been separated from their home.

Feral cats on the other hand were not socialised to humans at the critical stage and have usually had little or no contact with humans before being rescued.

Feral cats can learn to live among people and may even learn to love their owners but they may never be the cuddly lap cats that a lot of people want.

My friend’s cat has adapted quite well but she still has some issues – she runs and hides as soon as she hears my car and only comes out when she knows I’ve gone as I was the one who had to capture and crate her when my friend moved house and she has never forgiven me.

The other thing my friend has noticed is that when her family stay, Molly carries her food into the middle of the sitting room – usually on the rug – and eats it in full view of everyone. She doesn’t do this when my friend is alone or when her partner visits but when the kids are there too, she feels the need to do this.

She seems to feel more confident if she can see everyone while she eats. She doesn’t growl or hiss, she simply keeps a watchful eye on everyone.

My friend and I have discussed the issue and we have decided that Molly just needs more time to gain confidence. She used to eat on the rug the whole time, watching my friend,  but gradually she began to use her bowl when she felt secure. She extended this to include my friend’s partner so in time, I am confident that she will extend this to all the members of the family – she may still have problems with strangers but perhaps in time she will learn to cope with them too.

It can be difficult to take on a feral kitten. There can be many unforeseen problems but it is worth persevering if you can spare the time and if you have loads of patience.

Just because a kitten is feral, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t need the same love and care as any other kitten.

Yikes! We had a breakthrough in the household. Multi-cat homes can pose problems especially if the cats are not related and arrive at different times.

All cats have their own distinct personalities:

Jinx is my eight year old female tortoiseshell who has been with me since she was a few weeks old. She was found in a puddle in the middle of a road. My daughter and her husband saw her and slammed on the brakes. She was very ill with pneumonia and nearly died. After lots of loving care, Jinx proved to be a survivor although she is a bit small she is full of fun. She tends to be submissive and rather shy.

Heathcliffe was my daughter’s cat. He’s ten now and is a beautiful black and white tom. He opened a window while I was looking after him and escaped. We searched everywhere and asked all our neighbours – I live in the country -, we appealed on Facebook and I called and called for him every day. After two years we presumed we would never see him again, so imagine my surprise when I came home one evening and found him on the doorstep. He was in a pitiful state and had obviously lived rough for the two years. He had a massive growth in one ear which had burst and he was covered in blood. I took him to the vet and was told that the prognosis was not good. The gave him antibiotics to clean up the worst of the infection before they could even assess the damage. They found that he had a massive polyp but they weren’t sure how far into the ear canal the polyp was or how big it was or even if there were more behind it. I asked them to try to help him so they went ahead and operated on him. To my surprise the vet had good news and Heathcliffe is now strong and healthy and so far, a year after the operation, he has no signs of another polyp growing. He is quiet and likes to be left alone. He has a temper when he’s roused but for the most part he is gentle and sociable,

Skylar is the baby of the family and he arrived just before Heathcliffe. Jinx didn’t take to him at first but Skylar ignored this and followed her around until she finally started to tolerate him.

Then Heathcliffe arrived.

Things went downhill. Skylar decided that Heathcliffe was going to be his new best friend. He quickly wore Heathcliffe down and the two have been best friends ever since. That left Jinx on her own. She and Heathcliffe decided that they hated each other and for months they could not be in the same room.

I introduced a lot more beds – on furniture, under furniture, upstairs and downstairs. I got extra litter trays. I gave each cat a designated space in the kitchen for mealtimes – Heathcliffe and Skylar interchange theirs but Jinx won’t go near the boys’ ones. When the fur flew (literally) I distracted them by opening the cupboard doors and loudly calling Skylar.

Gradually, things improved. After about six months, Jinx began to come into the living-room at the same time as Heathcliffe. They still growled and spat at each other but I made a point of stroking all three of them and mixing the scents.

After a year, they began to sit on opposite ends of the sofa at the same time. The growling and spitting lessened but occasionally they would have a major battle. One night they all came and sat on me at the same time. It didn’t last long but it was nice while it lasted.

Finally, last night, Jinx walked up to Heathcliffe in the kitchen and gently touched her nose to his.

It’s not earth-shattering but to me it’s like getting to the end of a marathon. There’s still a long way to go before we win but we are on the way.

Cats are all different and they must be given plenty of space and privacy so that they can develop their own friendships, at their own pace and in their own way.

Skylar is a massive cat although he’s only just over a year old. Since he came, he has disrupted the house and caused no end of problems. Which means he fits in very well!

Last night he was sleeping on the window-ledge behind the curtain. The window-ledge is almost two feet deep and about the same wide. I was half asleep watching the television when suddenly, there was a crash and a bang right beside my head.

Skylar had rolled off the ledge dragging the cat bed with him. He landed on the little table where I keep the remote and my phone. The remote shot towards the telly at high speed narrowly missing it, while my phone shot out the door.

Skylar meanwhile, flipped over and ended up on the floor. He looked at me as if I’d pushed him!

If you own a cat (or two or three!) you’ll no doubt understand all too well – we love them no matter what they do, through the good and the bad, the laughter and tears.

As long as we remember that we don’t own cats – they simply tolerate us – we’ll get along just fine.